Hi, I’m a 23-year-old adult lady with a steady job, and I have a dirty little secret.
My friends think my obsession is tipping into danger territory and that I am in great denial.
My folks… well, they have no idea how far I’ve gone.
That’s right. Those baby-faced teen boys that my prepubescent nieces are psychotic for. You can’t imagine the self-control I had to exert on myself as they sing out loud, WMYB (What Makes You Beautful. That’s right. 1Directioners OWN abbreviations, bitch.). Boot camp level of determination, I’ll tell you that much.
It’s gone to the point where I know each defining characteristics of the boys, and you can’t ever ask me to pick a favourite.
Cougar-for-sexy-curly-hair Harry, Omg-we’re-soulmates-for-stripes Louis, Imma-take-you-home-to-my-parents Liam, Irish-blonde-bitch Niall and Bad-boy-sial lah-muslim-boy-se Zayn.
Anyway, the boys just released the music video for ‘Live While You’re Young’ (LWYY *fist pumps 12-year-old girls*) and I have been spending the better part of my happening Sunday with it on replay.
I think LWYY is just gratuitous music, but 1D’s hook tactic has always been visual. And the music video is a mega win for me. Here’s why:
1. Bromance Galore
They grope and sandwich each other any chance they get.
Also the above printscreen is an insinuation that if the boys really do go camping, they shall sleep in the same tent. They’re at a hip camping party (I mean, Zorb balls, come on. ) with a whole bunch of girls who’d get their panties in a twist over them, and they choose a “bros-before-hoes” stance. Right. Sure. Let me crash that pillow fight and I’ll believe it. Serious proposal.
Speaking of twisted, why hello, Zayn’s face. Credit: My adept video pausing skills.
2. TOPLESS NIALL!
Because wet tshirts are for pussies.
3. TOPLESS HARRY!
You thought no one would notice the split-second shirtless moment did you? Tut tut. You underestimate my sharp cougar eyes and stellar video pausing skills.
4. Zayn My Mayn Man
Zayn takes centerstage for LWYY and he does so looking so fiiinnnnee. I love that blonde quiff, such a good look for you babe.
5. Dope-Faced Extra in Blue
See that guy on the right, with the wtf-am-I-doing-here face? I love him. Check it:
THAT is a legit face of fear.
“If you’re watching this sh-t video, you and your sh-t taste in music can suck my d–k!”
The unenthusiastic forced mosh jump? Classic. He is so uninterested, he’s not even facing the right direction! (see what I did there)
Perhaps his foul mood can be explained here:
“Dude. Wut r u doin. DUDE. STAHP.”